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  • amalis

When I grow up...



Source: Unsplash

What did you want to be when you grow up?

This sentence was the one I often got asked when I was younger.


The answer was different each time, but there was one more frequent than the others.

It was to teach or educate.

Little did I know that I would end up teaching & mentoring my coworkers.

Still, in my younger days, bear with me.

It was high school time. I had an opportunity to be taught by a great teacher who always pushed me and inspired me to write.


One of the ideas I wanted to pursue was to be a Croatian language professor and write.

As usual, life finds a way & you end up doing things because you think you must do them.

Most of the time – we do not know why we do what we do.

But that is a story for another time.



So, I ended up both studying engineering and working.

I worked corporate, odd jobs, student jobs, writing jobs… while constantly being torn between MUST & WANT.

Frequent visitors in my head were self-doubt, insecurity… or any other feeling that would leave me stranded to one point.

During those years, there was a strong feeling of having something of mine. Something where I can create, share, and make a life in a way I see fit.


Yes, finally, we are coming to the reason for this article. :D


Earlier in 2023, I decided to put my beautifully collected skills & tools in one place and launch a website.

Create a planner or an eBook. Brainstorm the ideas and refreshments to your business palette…

And it was that moment that started another cycle of self-doubt.


I designed, redesigned, wrote, and rewrote my website numerous times.

As the clock got closer to press ‘Publish’ – I was more & more anxious.

Started sleeping worse, doubting, and waking up with that nasty gut feeling.

I got scared as hell.

I didn’t notice it at first, since I was ecstatic about reaching that first step.

Where you battle the fear of becoming potentially known and the fear of taking a small step toward the dream you wanted for so long.


It started slowly. Crawled all the way up, sank its teeth into the spine, leaving only thoughts of doubt & fear.

What do I know? was the only question in my mind.

That is when you know it.

You are leaving your comfort zone and setting the course to the great unknown.

There is only one thing to do – quit or continue your journey.


I opted for the journey.

Easier said than done.

Exactly.


But I didn't have the time to be the „easier“ part of the equation and just stay there – sulking indefinitely.

I had to publish the website.


That battle was not that easy, but wasn’t even as hard as you might imagine it.

When I compared the situation with the feeling of how badly I wanted it…

… I battled the demons, clenched my teeth, and pressed ‘Publish’.


So, here we are.


Welcome. 😊


P.S. How did you like it?






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